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Jeudi, 17 avril 2008Diam's
Je m'intéresserai ici à la chanson à textes et au rap militant.
Je ne connaissais pas Diam's, enfin je veux dire, je ne m'étais jamais attaché à lire un peu ses textes ni même à écouter avec attention ses chansons, mais aujourd'hui j'ai décidé de combler cette lacune.
Ci dessous Diam's et sa statue de cire visitent le musée Grévin. Il parait que la vraie c'est celle de gauche. J'en doute vu qu'elle serait en train de lire. ![]() Diam's moi j'avais rien contre, il avait l'air sympa comme mec, mais en fait non. Je veux dire non il est pas sympa. Déjà physiquement c'est pas évident de s'y intéresser hein... Personnellement je préférerais avoir des rapports sexuels avec une clôture électrique, mais chacun ses goûts, et on peut avoir du talent en ne ressemblant à rien, et réussir dans le show business avec un physique de chauffeur routier kosovar. Je veux dire être un homme, même moche, et une icône sexy est possible. Regardez Fergie, la chanteuse des Black Eyed Peas. Si ça c'est pas un mec qui a monté et réussi sa carrière sur le sexy je ne m'y connais pas. Mais nous étions sur Diam's. Façon de parler car, comme je vous le disais un peu plus haut, bonne chance pour parvenir à me faire réellement monter dessus. Qu'en dit mon amie Martine La Fnac point com ? Je cite : L'enfant de la banlieue, née à Chypre et tombée très jeune dans la marmite du rap Ce qui expliquerait donc de très sérieuses séquelles dans son développement intellectuel, d'où un retard mental très prononcé. Merci, je ne savais pas et j'étais dans l'erreur car je pensais à tort que sa mère avait jeté le bébé et élevé le placenta. Mea Culpa. (...) donne suite à son Brut de femme paru en 2003, dont les titres 1980, Ma souffrance ou Évasion sont encore dans sur bien des lèvres Oui, encore dans sur bien des lèvres. Je vous ai viré 900 euros pour embaucher un rédacteur. Cadeau, c'est mon plaisir. Brut de femme. Il y aurait une nouvelle faute de français ? C'est pas "brute" qu'ils voulaient dire ? Bon, bref. Diam's a confié la réalisation de cette quinzaine de nouveaux titres percutants à Tefa et Masta. Cool, mais je n'ai aucune foutue idée de qui ils sont. Et le choix du terme "percutant" confirme bien mes suspicions, y'a du pain dans la gueule dans l'air. Mieux dans sa prose et son flow Yeah man, son flow brother son flow, same player shoot again, do you speak english, Jenö war mein freund, donde esta la mama de Pedro. deux de ses atouts enrichis par les expériences de la vie, elle s'affirme dans ce troisième album comme une artiste sincère qui ne mâche pas ses mots (Ma France à moi, Car tu portes mon nom, Par amour) et refuse la facilité. Une étude plus approfondie de l'oeuvre de Diam's vous apprendrait que par "qui ne mâche pas ses mots" Martine La Fnac point com voulait dire "jure comme un charretier avec l'élégance d'une crotte rouge-brun encore molle déposée sur un trottoir par un labrador eczémateux, le tout en survêtement". Quant à refuser la facilité, je ne chercherai pas à comprendre ce que ces mots viennent faire ici. Un copier/coller foireux probablement. À des années-lumière des donneuses de leçon factices du R&B, elle se livre sans fausse pudeur et n'hésite pas à montrer son vrai visage dans le portrait de quarante minutes signé Fred Musa accessible en complément de programme. Bien. Je ne sais pas qui est Fred Musa, et ça me fait chier de réouvrir un onglet pour chercher là tout de suite, ça attendra bien un ou deux mois. Quant à la notion de "complément de programme" sur un CD... Alors alors, on en cause on en cause mais si on allait voir d'un peu plus près ce que recèlent (une des activités les plus fréquentes dans le milieu des fans de Diam's soit dit en passant) ces fameuses chansons ? Par où commencer quand on n'en connaît aucune ? Laquelle choisir ? La première citée par la Fnac. Simple rapide efficace. On chope les paroles et on décortique (de langage). Ma France à moi 2006, "Dans ma bulle" Moi je préfère "dans ton cul" mais elle a choisi "dans ma bulle", ok, c'est sa chanson elle fait ce qu'elle veut. Ma France à moi elle parle fort, elle vit à bout de rêves, Oui, déteste les règles surtout je crois. Elle sèche les cours, le plus souvent pour ne rien foutre, Parce que la France des autres elle sèche les cours pour aller prendre des leçons particulières de sciences de la vie et de la terre ? Elle joue au foot sous le soleil souvent du Coca dans la gourde Le port de la gourde est illégal depuis 1977, la même année que l'interdiction des vestes en laine écossaises à franges sous les manches et des sous-pulls qui t'électrocutent quand tu les enlèves dans le noir. C'est le hip-hop qui la fait danser sur les pistes, Mais bien sûr... Héroïne, cocaïne et crack égal ordures, Dit comme ça tu vas sauver des générations entières de la drogue, comme quoi, avec des mots bien choisis, un peu de poésie et beaucoup de talent on peut faire des miracles. Ou rater lamentablement comme une grosse merde. Ca dépend. Souvent en guerre contre les administrations, Oui c'est vrai, et les retards de paiement de RMI devraient être punis de la peine de mort sinon Aldi va faire faillite et les allemands vont nous redéclarer la guerre encore une fois. Et ça commence à faire beaucoup. Leur BEP mécanique ne permettront pas d'être patron, Sauf s'ils bossent Alors elle se démène et vend de la merde à des bourges, Tu te rends bien compte que un de ces jours il va falloir que tu acceptes de te placer dans ce petit sous ensemble de la population dont tu parles là ? Mais la merde ça ramène à la mère un peu de bouffe, ouais. Genre ! Genre le gamin qui deale du shit il va filer la tune à sa mère pour acheter de la bouffe ! Merci Diam's, là tu m'as bien fait rire ! Je t'aime quand tu es comme ça ! Non je déconne je peux toujours pas te blairer. Parce que la famille c'est l'amour et que l'amour se fait rare Mets une robe Elle se bat tant bien que mal pour les mettre à l'écart, On dit elle passe ses nights au phone. Elle paraît feignante mais dans le fond, elle perd pas d'temps, Oui bien sûr ce sont deux significations totalement liées, la comparaison n'est pas du tout sans aucun sens. Certains la craignent car les médias s'acharnent à faire d'elle un cancre, Là ça y est j'ai décroché, je ne comprends plus rien, je dois être tombé con. Ou alors ça ne veut rien dire, mais ça ne serait pas possible dans un texte de Diam's... Elle s'intériorise et s'interdit de saigner. Non... Oui car si on s'autorise à saigner on s'extériorise. Le sang. {Refrain: x2} C'est vrai que vu le refrain on en reprend volontiers, à moins que cette précision ne soit destinée aux gens qui n'avaient pas compris que la répetition était volontaire, style c'est pas qu'ils se sont gourré au montage au studio. C'est pas ma France à moi cette France profonde Soit tu me donnes ta définition de profonde, soit il y a un petit problème de sens, ah non c'est vrai, c'est moi, toutes mes excuses. Ma France à moi elle parle en SMS, Oui, c'est probablement son plus gros problème. Elle devrait apprendre le français en plus, comme ça sur son CV elle pourrait mettre "une langue et demie". travaille par MSN, Oui, oui, déjà juste "travaille" c'est drôle, mais par MSN... et après pour se détendre ils font une partie d'Excel ? Se réconcilie en mail et se rencontre en MMS, Se rencontrer en MMS, mais oui, oui, oui, bien évidement oui, certainement Elle se déplace en skate, en scoot ou en bolide, Ou les trois Basile Boli est un mythe et Zinedine son synonyme. Synonyme de "Basile Boli" ou de "mythe" ? Pardon, laisse tomber, dans les deux cas ça veut rien dire. Elle, y faut pas croire qu'on la déteste mais elle nous ment, C'est faux, le chômage et le RMI sont actualisés régulièrement. Elle nous a donné des ailes mais le ciel est V.I.P., Le ciel est quelqu'un de très important... Jean-Patrick Ciel ? Marcel Ciel ? Athanagore Ciel ? Bah de toutes façons je les connais pas. Peu importe ce qu'ils disent elle sait gérer une entreprise. C'est bien connu ça. Elle vit à l'heure américaine, KFC, MTV Base 50 Cent il est noir. Oui je sais ça n'a absolument aucun rapport mais je trouvais ça drôle à écrire. Elle, c'est des p'tits mecs qui jouent au basket à pas d'heure, J'ai du demander à Maurice Google ce qu'étaient les "Spurs". Merci, j'ai appris quelque chose, je me coucherai moins con que je me suis levé. C'est pas tous les jours. Elle, c'est des p'tites femmes qui se débrouillent entre l'amour, Les cours, ceux qu'elles sèchent ? L'amour à 18 dans les caves ? Les embrouilles qu'elles sont les premières à créer ? Qui écoutent du Raï, RnB et du Zouk. Ah la Compagnie Créole, le bon vieux temps... Et Khaled ? Il est mort ? Ma France à moi se mélange, ouais, c'est un arc-en-ciel, Y'a quand même deux trois couleurs de l'arc en ciel (Jean-Patrick ?) que tu vas avoir du mal à trouver dans ta France à toi. Et pour y mettre le noir dans l'arc en ciel va falloir te lever tôt. Et je ne sais pas si ta France à toi se lève tôt, c'était pas très clair avec ton histoire de se coucher à l'heure du coq... Je ne parle pas du blanc car à t'écouter et à regarder ton clip, si j'ai bien compris, j'ai comme le sentiment que c'est pas de cette France là dont tu parles, mais je peux me tromper, j'ai très mauvais esprit. Elle te dérange, je le sais, car elle ne te veut pas pour modèle. Tu ne me connais pas alors hein, bon, hein, alors bon... {au Refrain, x2} Cette fois c'est "au" refrain, sais pas ce que ça cache comme message... Ma France à moi elle a des halls et des chambres où elle s'enferme, Et des cellules aussi mais pas toujours parceque ta France à toi parfois elle coure vite Elle est drôle et Jamel Debbouze pourrait être son frère, Sauf que Jamel Debbouze y'a que son nom qui est drôle. Elle repeint les murs et les trains parce qu'ils sont ternes Oui, c'est tellement plus beau après, moins terne, plus joyeux, plus frais, pas du tout glauque immonde et dégueulasse. Elle se plaît à foutre la merde car on la pousse à ne rien faire. Oui, les jeunes qui ne foutent rien sauf le bordel c'est parce qu'on les y oblige. Sinon livrés à eux même ils voudraient bosser et s'en sortir, mais on les oblige à rien branler et devenir cons. Avec des drogues qui contrôlent les cerveaux et des messages subliminaux dans les chansons de rap qui sont écrites par des agences secrètes du gouvernement. Et moi je suis poursuivi par ma mère et les nazis qui veulent me vendre aux extra terrestres pour faire des expériences sur mes couilles. Elle a besoin de sport et de danse pour évacuer, En mini moto. Non seulement ça tue mais en plus t'as l'air con avant de mourir. Mais ma France à moi elle vit, au moins elle l'ouvre, au moins elle rit, Je l'ai jamais vue rire, je l'ai vue faire les méchants yeux dans le métro, faire les méchants yeux dans le RER, faire les méchants yeux dans le train, faire les méchants yeux dans le bus, plus faire les méchants yeux dans le bus parce que les autres ils sont descendus à l'arrêt d'avant et qu'on fait vachement moins le malin tout seul, mais rire jamais. Et refuse de se soumettre à cette France qui voudrait qu'on bouge. Non non justement tu l'as dit avant, elle veut que vous restiez là à rien foutre, tu sais les agences secrètes et mes couilles aux extra terrestres tout ça ? Ma France à moi, c'est pas la leur, celle qui vote extrême, Oui, celle qui vote tout court déjà tu peux dire. Celle qui bannit les jeunes, anti-rap sur la FM, FM anti-rap, oui absolument c'est certain Celle qui s'croit au Texas, celle qui a peur de nos bandes, Ah oui, la France de ceux qui se promènent avec des chapeaux de cow-boys et des revolvers à la ceinture ! Ah oui je vois super bien. Y'en a plein des comme ça en France. Partout. Partout dans ton monde peuplé de fées et de dragons gentils, avec des montagnes en guimauve et des rivières de Nutella sur lesquelles des nains font du canoë en chantant la chanson de Fort Boyard. Et c'est vrai, vos pauvres petites bandounettes si incomprises qui font tout pour essayer de rassurer les gens sur leurs bonnes intentions (juste avant de se foutre sur la gueule à coup de barres de fer au milieu des galeries commerciales). Celle qui vénère Sarko, intolérante et gênante. La je ne dis pas... Mais attention tout de même à penser que les mots peuvent être retournés contre leur auteur avec un assez facile "et toi alors t'es pas intolérante peut-être ?" Celle qui regarde Julie Lescaut et regrette le temps des Choristes, Ben quoi c'est sympa les chorales. Et Julie Lescaut c'est celle du jambon là ? Qui laisse crever les pauvres, et met ses propres parents à l'hospice, Toi en revanche les pauvres tu les aides. Tu leur donne la moitié de tes 2,66 millions d'euros gagnés cette année pour qu'ils puissent s'acheter des clopes et du Ricard, c'est bien ça ? Non, ma France à moi c'est pas la leur qui fête le Beaujolais, Oui je sais je viens de le dire, du Ricard, ah non pardon, ta France à toi, ah oui, oui, bien sûr pas d'alcool hein, allez vas-y prends moi encore pour un con j'adore. Humilie moi encore Diam's. Un peu de SM n'a jamais fait de mal à personne, quoi que si en fait... Et qui prétend s'être fait baiser par l'arrivée des immigrés, Je doute que tu habites dans un quartier où tu as beaucoup de cette France là sous tes fenêtres. Je ne sais pas pourquoi mais mon petit doigt me dit que tu me prends encore un petit peu pour un con, trois fois rien, mais un peu quand même... Celle qui pense que la police a toujours bien fait son travail, Ok, donc là c'est obligé tu n'y a jamais foutu les pieds en France... je comprends mieux ! Celle qui se gratte les couilles à table en regardant Laurent Gerra, Ca c'est vrai, c'est que je déteste le plus chez ma femme. Quand elle se gratte les couilles à table en regardant Laurent Gerra. Ca m'énerve ! Mais ça m'énerve ! Ou Didier Gustin. C'est pire encore. Non, c'est pas ma France à moi, cette France profonde Oui, ça sera super bien. Et avec vos "valeurs" ça ne posera aucun problème, ni économiquement ni socialement. Et si on est des citoyens, alors aux armes la jeunesse, Voilà un acte citoyen, prendre les armes. Et foutre le feu aux abris-bus et aux voitures aussi, et jeter des caillasses sur les flics et des frigos sur les pompiers. Ma France à moi leur tiendra tête, jusqu'à ce qu'ils nous respectent. C'est bien parti, t'es sur la bonne voie pour obtenir le respect de tout le pays, voire toute l'Europe. Juste un ou deux petits appels à la guerre civile en plus peut-être. Et une intervention à la télé pour faire passer un projet de loi rendant obligatoires les parades de transsexuels zoophiles le jour de Noël. Mais peut-être que ça ne serait même pas nécessaire, toute ta personne et tes survêtements appelant déjà tellement au respect. Voilà voilà voilà... A vous pour les commentaires mesdames, mesdemoiselles, messieurs les fans (ou pas), toujours sur le site de la Fnac bien entendu. Bovin et inécoutable (bis). Euh si mais c'était il y a très longtemps, dans un sketch de Popeck où il est à la Gare du Nord, une femme lui demande où se trouve "la roue de la gare". Il répond "la gare, c'est ici, donc la roue est certainement dehors". Il lui demande alors si elle est étrangère, et elle répond qu'elle est portugaise, sur quoi il lui dit "si ji peux mi pirmittre di vous donner un conseil, on dit pas la roue, on dit la rie" album qui déchirent!! Bien sûr, vous le savez désormais, ça n'est plus, depuis longtemps, en français que ces gens s'expriment. Mais celui ci en plus de tro kiffé sur son ressentis et les paroles vaicus, après tant d'impatience et de réticence, lui, comble de la misère, il signe, de son vrai nom et donne la ville où il habite, par respect moi je ne les ai pas reproduits (exemple que ses parents auraient du suivre...), je ne tire pas sur l'ambulance. Je ne tire pas dans l'ambulance non plus d'ailleurs car souvent dans les ambulances ce sont des infirmiers et pas des infirmières. Donc notre ami fan de Diam's qui laisse ses coordonnées, soit il espère qu'elle lit ses commentaires sur le site de la Fnac, qu'elle viendra lui rendre visite chez lui et qu'il pourra lui toucher les seins, soit il est juste con. Et Diam's se rend rarement chez ses fans pour se faire toucher les seins. GENIAL Oui, c'est exactement ça ce que je n'aime pas chez Diam's. Qu'une moins nantie que moi réussisse. Ca m'embête, c'est pas que c'est une sombre connasse vulgaire et insupportable même de loin. elle a pas fait de boulette la ptite diams Avant d'avoir un mec elle devra arrêter d'être un mec, même si elle en invoc son desir C'est la meilleure Ouais et c'est celui qui dit qui y est. Mais que au pays de Candy. a fond diamant !!! Son album déchire surtout ta soeur, c'est pour ça que les chansons vous touchent. Moi je ne me permettrais pas de vous toucher, je ne suis pas votre père. Expliquez moi aussi pourquoi vous l'appelez toujours "boulette", c'est à cause des drogues qu'elle fume ou juste son format ? méga cool Ce qui en français et dans un autre monde où les habitants ne seraient pas des malades mentaux donnerait quelque chose comme "ce CD est bien" Une fille qui se prend pour une rappeuse Ouais ben moi je suis pas trop d'accord en fait. Vu qu'elle ne ressemble à rien, qu'elle passe ses journées en survêt à proférer des injures et à parler comme une truie (et une truie moche) moi je trouve qu'elle "représente" bien. Où est le talent??? Oui c'est vrai c'est un peu light pour une artiste de dire simplement. Je te l'accorde mais alors Un Enorme Big Up!!! Encore une que Diam's touche. Y'a comme un problème. Déjà qu'il fait peur comme mec et qu'il agresse les photographes en plus il touche la moitié des enfants qui écoutent ses disques. On a accusé Michael Jackson pour rien et Diam's personne ne l'emmerde. Y'a pas de justice. Et visiblement laisser son nom et ses coordonnées c'est tendance dans les avis de la fnac. Ils ont peur de rien ces jeunes. Ou ils sont cons. Ou les deux, c'est presque automatiquement associé. TRop de la bombe Encore une déchirure. Il doit en avoir du sang sur la bite Diam's... j'adore le rap Ben comme ça on sait pourquoi t'as pas d'amis. super "j'aime son style" et "parler d'amour", à propos de Diam's. Oui, oui, oui, oui, et une fois en camp d'été pour handicapés mentaux tu t'es enfoncé une chaise roulante dans le cul, hein ? touchant! Moi ce que j'aime c'est parler pendant ses chansons. Et je crains que la seule chose profonde chez Diam's ne soit pas son texte, non. Et le fait que tu trouves les gros mots assez vulgaires est en fait lié au concept de "gros mot", car par définition le gros mot est vulgaire, comme "chier d'enculé", en revanche les petits mots comme "et" ou "ma" ou "ni", non. n'aime pas le rap mais... Moi aussi j'ai eu les larmes aux yeux quand j'ai écouté cette chanson, mais ça n'est pas que je la trouve géniale, c'est juste que je me suis amusé à me tirer les poils dans le nez parce que je me faisais chier. Et c'est quoi cette manie de tous là de pas aimer le rap et d'écouter Diam's ? Pas fan de rap mais... "Diam's a une sacré patate", non "Diam's est une sacrée patate". Sur ce je découvre alors que les internautes ayant acheté "Dans ma bulle - Nouvelle édition" ont également acheté : Natasha St Pier , Longueur d'ondes, pour 10 €, Pascal Obispo, Les fleurs du bien (le pauvre titre... le jeu de mot en carton, décidément, ça n'est encore pas ce soir qu'on va se dé-Popeckiser... ) et ce pour la modique somme de 13 € tout de même, et enfin Sinik, Sang froid (sur les mains probablement), pour 17,99 € et là on frôle l'arnaque pure et simple je le crains. Je n'ai pas le temps aujourd'hui d'aller écouter ces précieuses recommandations mais je le ferai peut-être. Un jour. Rétroliens
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Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
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Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
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Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
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Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
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